Dating Mystery (Continued...)

Before you continue, make sure you know about the first part:  http://thisladyofmystery.blogspot.com/2012/06/dating-mystery.html

"Crap..." I let out a loud grunt, slammed the door, and walked away. Abruptly, I heard him open the door behind me and calmly walk in. Of all the days to show that smirk on his face, it had to be TODAY! Angrily, but gracefully, I strolled to the kitchen to pour myself some coffee.

"That's not Irish, is it? I'd hate to think you took up drinking after all that time without me." I could hear the condescension in his tone, and I passionately desired to strangle it into submission. "Of course not, Manny. There's only one of us who likes to partake in such pleasantries, and you made that VERY clear the last time we were in each others company." I said as I put the mug to my lips. I could feel him staring at my back, probably trying to think of something more clever to say. It didn't take long.

"Oh, I remember every detail of that day. I may have been drunk, but, I wasn't the one acting crazy." I slammed my mug on the counter and turned in frustration only to find him leaning effortlessly on the refrigerator door. "You don't know anything about that day, you were drunk. And, I resent your implication of my sanity, I am the most sane person you know! My behavior back then was due to pure circumstance, I am not crazy!" I felt like I was going to blow a vein in my forehead, I was so angry. He, on the other hand, was smiling. SMILING. I felt foolish as I waited for some sort of 
response, which, of course, is what he wanted. "My love, I never implied that you were crazy, merely that you were acting crazy."

He was right. The subtle realization must have shown on my face because, he continued, "By the way, you look good in a kitchen," he took a few steps toward me, my anger boiling at his remark, "Especially, dressed like that." Then, I suddenly remembered what my plans were. "Yes, well, I'm not dressed like this for you or the stupid kitchen. I have a date and he should be here any minute. So, you should leave." I quickly walked toward the entrance of my abode, when he started talking again. "This date of yours, does he have a name?" Psh. If he thinks he's going to learn anything about tonight, he's dead wrong. I opened the door,"His name doesn't concern you." I gestured for him to leave, but, he hesitated at the entrance and put his hand on the wall behind me. "At least tell me what this guy looks like. I need to know my competition." If I were going to get Manny out of here, I'd have to lie. Telling him what Guy actually looked like would coax him into staying longer, which would inevitably end up with us on a second date. I most definitely did not want that.

"He's tall," not as tall as Manny, but taller than me, "with dark hair, and we work on the same floor at the office." which is true, but he works for pest control. "Now, will you leave?" He looked into my eyes and gave a devilish smile. "One more question, Love," he looked down at the base of the doorway and I followed his gaze...

"Is that him?"


(To be continued...)

Dating Mystery

As I looked at myself in the mirror, I couldn't help but wonder why I was here. The last date I had was many years ago. I'm not even sure why I agreed to this one. Well, I KNEW why... This guy at the office, Guy, had been asking me out for a while and I never wanted to say yes, when all of a sudden, he started stalking me.

He wasn't very discreet about it either. Anyway, Guy found and killed a nest of opossums inconveniently living in my refrigerator. Then one thing led to another, and I agreed to go on a date with him if he stopped breaking into my house to plant rabid and/or otherwise dangerous animals in my kitchen appliances. There was a contract, no loopholes, he signed it.

My point is, it's been a while and there's a reason for that.

A long time ago, there was this man, Manny. We met when our boss partnered us up on a mission to catch some guy in Germany who was killing a bunch of Jewish people. At first, I didn't like him and he didn't like me. He thought I was an incompetent woman who belonged in a kitchen cooking my husband a meal and making babies for him to belittle. I thought he was a simple-minded bullet brain who deserved nothing less than getting shot in the war so that his family would think he was a hero, even though it was friendly fire from a group of men who couldn't stand being around him anymore. We argued with each other more than a room full of men fighting over the last slice of pizza. The disagreements we had would have put cats and dogs to shame.

Then, something happened. Manny and I got comfortable around each other. We had jokes no one else understood, moments where we would open up to one another, and the disagreements we had became laughable. We actually began to enjoy one another's company. As we neared the end of our mission, we confessed our feelings for each other. We worked so well together that, after we finished our mission, we decided to become a permanent team.

Manny and I never went on an actual date until the end of our eleventh mission as a team. I won't say exactly what happened, but, I will say that we never saw each other again after that night. It was literally the worst date I had ever been on and until now, the last.

I heard the door bell ring, walked out of the bathroom and to the door.
But, it wasn't my date on the other side.

(To be continued...)

The Wedding is Not a Wedding.

"Does this make me look fat?" Toshlin said as she looked in the mirror. She was trying on dresses for a wedding I was told we were invited to. At the moment she was sporting a dark grey club dress, seemingly meant for a thinner, more confident girl. To be completely truthful she looked like a slutty hippo.

"Toshlin, the situations you put yourself in make me believe you actually like being insulted." I said, less than enthusiastically. As I looked away from her disappointed face, I noticed that she chose mostly clubbing dresses for the both of us. I stood up and went through each dress coming to the conclusion that, in fact, each dress was intended for a night out on the town. This was either a horribly provocative wedding, Toshlin's poor judgement in wedding attire, or something else...

"My dear half-sister... It seems as though you're trying to bamboozle me." I said in an insinuating tone. I observed her movements carefully to take in her reaction piece by piece. It wasn't very often when she would pull one over on me. When she did...who am I kidding? She never has.

I usually know when she's hiding something and as soon as she flared her nostrils and began to flatulate, I knew. "Why whatever do you mean?" she asked. It began to smell horrid.

"Toshlin..." I said as though scolding a child. "We aren't going to a wedding, are we?" Her nostrils were turning white from the amount of pressure her face muscles were putting on them. "We are definitely going to a wedding." she said gleefully.

When she began to snort with every breath, like a gorilla in a bad mood, I was positive she was hiding something.

"Calm down! Straighten yourself up and act like a lady. For goodness sake, Toshlin. I'm not interrogating you. There's no need to go on the defense and gas up the place with the demeanor of an overgrown ape." Although, I was interrogating her, I needed the poor girl to find serenity soon, or we'd be escorted out for bringing in a human monkey.

"I'm sorry." She ceased her brutish behavior and took a reasoning tone. "The thing is, we are going to wedding." She confessed. "But, I figured you wouldn't want to go, but, if  you did, it would be one you'd want to crash."

'A wedding I wouldn't want to go to? One I'd want to crash?' I must have had an irritated look about my face because it drove her into complete confession.

"Dad's getting married!"

I was stunned! Speechless! How could Toshlin be so stupid? This so called 'wedding' is most definitely a trap!

"It's not a trap. He's marrying my mother." she explained.

Poor girl, she's blinded by her mother's happiness.